Bear Creek Corporation Skat

Union News

2005-04-29T01:30:00.000-07:00

To be honest, the Skat has not been paying much attention. There was word, however, of union posters being put up around the packinghouse, They were up only long enough for the early morning janitor to remove them before folks came to work.
If anyone knows any more about this, Skat's enquiring mind wants to know.

2005-02-24T21:48:00.001-08:00

Not a bad logo. Not great either. It's really the slogan, that's worthy of comment. What does it say? "First Names in quality since 1934" ? The Skat keeps hearing comments from long-time employees to the contrary. That is, that the "quality is not what it used to be." The Skat overheard a conversation during lunch break this past week. The comment came from a woman who looked like the sort that had been working in the packing house for 20 years. "What saves us is that it's a gift," she said. "The customer buys the gift, but never hears if the pears are bruised or the bows falling off. If you get a gift like that, you're going say, 'Thank-you. It was lovely. Who wouldn't? That's what saves us."

To be honest, the Skat has not seen that much deterioration in quality. Not that it's not there. Just can't attest to it. The Skat would like to hear from those who have observed with changes in the quality. Come to think of it, we do buy a lot cheap shit from China, but its been that way for a long time. Oh, there was thath beautiful holographic Christmas tower that was cool a few years back. That is, until someone decided they could save $100,000 by not making it holographic anymore. They even made a video about how they re-designed the graphics on the boxes so could be conventionally printed. They played in on those TVs in the break rooms. From the customer's point of view, this is nothing to brag about.

The thing that the Skat really wonders, though, is how can even the present level of quality be sustained when fewer workers will have much vested interest in becoming long-term employees. In the past, there's been an incentive to come back each season in the hope that the next one will be the one to accumulate the hours required to get things like the pension, the 401k and health insurance. Now, what's the point? Might as well go to work for Wal-Mart. Now, that the rules have changed to make it impossible for seasonal employees to ever qualify for benefits, how is that going to the affect the quality of the hired help? From what the skat has observed new people are less likely to spot mistakes or even take an interest one way or another.

Usual Reminder

2005-02-22T07:07:00.000-08:00

Just this for now: The Skat continues to solicit stories and recollections and opinions on Bear Creek Corporation. Anoniminity respected. Email these to Bearskatler@aol.com. Dont't worry about the spelling and grammar. I'll try to fix it up.

I've been told its been a few days since the Skat has mentioned anything about the union, which Medford workers don't have, which explains why the company dicks with things like pay and health benefits without ever talking to us first. There, I just did. Mention the union, I mean. More on that later. I promise.

Deconstructing the Letter

2005-02-21T06:34:00.000-08:00

Given the long President's Day weekend, the Skat has had some time to poke around the business press and do some fact checking and perform a line-by-line analysis of the claims contained in the letter that arrived in workers' mail boxes Friday. Here goes, first line:

Dear Bear Creek Corporation Employee:

We are less "dear" than we used to be. Second line:

Like most employers across the country, Bear Creek Corporation is facing increasing healthcare costs.

At best, the remark is half-truth. Here's where the Skat cuts to the chase on this matter. The truth is that employers "across the country" are less concerned about health care costs than they were a couple years back. Heath care costs rose every year since 1995 and the business trade journals are currently reporting that the rise stabilized last year to modest single digit increases.

So, what's the grave concern now? What's the real reason for the concern?

The Skat believes the real reason is the following:
Bruce Wasserstein paid a relatively high price for the company --$260 million -- and they will need his corporate hatchet men to whack off costs everywhere if it has a prayer of selling the company at a profit in four years. Nobody is going to pay a price that's more than eight times earnings, which is what Bid-'em-up Bruce's company paid Yamanouchi.

With the new 1,250 hour requirement for health coverage eligibility, the company is making it almost impossible for new seasonal employees to ever get healthcare. That's an excellent way for the company to whack costs at the workers' expense, and doctor the corporate earnings ratio for a more attractive sale. At least in the short run its a good idea from the company's point of view, but that's all they really need. The short run. The short shrift. Remember, Wasserstein & Co. is a venture capital company in the business of buying and selling companies after some fiddle faddling of costs, not building them. In four to six years we'll have a new owner who will unwittingly take over a company with declining worker loyalty and morale, declining quality control, declining customer satisfaction, and rising health care premiums for a plan that includes only the oldest workers.

Next line:
Because the Company and its employees share the cost for healthcare benefits, we both have an interest in keeping healthcare costs in check.

So nice to "share", isn't it? What a nice word: "share". Precious, but it's a little dishonest to use it this way. Shifting the burden of health care costs entirely to the empty pockets of the seasonal employee -- or more likely welfare or bankruptcy decrees -- does not "keep healthcare costs in check." It's just shifting. Not "sharing". Someone still has to write the "check".

Next line:
The Company continually monitors the Flexible Benefits Program to ensure plans are cost-effective and competitive.

That's fine, but as it stands, the statement is merely padding, It's irrelevant if it doesn't answer the questions it poses. In what ways has the monitoring determined the current plan not "cost effective and competitive"? Competitive against what? Against a $7.75 hourly wage? No, I guess it wouldn't be. What about a heart transplant for Bruce Wasserstein? Would that be "cost effective"?

Bruce Wasserstein, Chairman

Next line:
Making changes to the Flexible Benefits Program for 2005-06 will allow Bear Creek Corporation to continue to offer you and your dependents a choice in benefits and comprehensive benefits package.

Oh, I get it. It's like: "Shut up, it could be worse. We're just going to screw the new employees for now." Never mind that seasoned employees will fall below eligibility levels at the next business slow-down, the next outsourcing, or upon the forthcoming spinoff of Jackson & Perkins.

Next line:
One of the more significant changes occurring this year is a change to the eligibility requirements for participating in the Flexible Benefits Program.

What do you mean, "ONE of the more significant changes"? There's more? Why not tell us now how hard the other shoe going to drop?

The Bad News Benefit Cuts

2005-02-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

In preparation for more detailed comment and analysis, Skat is currently examining the truth, half truths and overall implications of what the company is telling us in Friday's letter announcing the "changes" in the employee health insurance coverage. Meanwhile, the text of the letter is as follows:

Dear Bear Creek Corporation Employee:

Like most employers across the country, Bear Creek Corporation is facing increasing healthcare costs. Because the Company and its employees share the cost for healthcare benefits, we both have an interest in keeping healthcare costs in check. The Company continually monitors the Flexible Benefits Program to ensure plans are cost-effective and competitive. Making changes to the Flexible Benefits Program for 2005-06 will allow Bear Creek Corporation to continue to offer you and your dependents a choice in benefits and comprehensive benefits package.

One of the more significant changes occurring this year is a change to the eligibility requirements for participating in the Flexible Benefits Program. Earning and retaining Flexible Benefits increase 250 hours for both initial and ongoing eligibility. Employees who have already earned their benefits for the 2005-06 Plan Year (April 1, 2005 through March 31, 2006) will retain their eligibility through March 31, 2006. Both Current and new eligibility requirements are detailed as follows:

(Editor's note: the Skat has to summarize here because of the text formatting within the letter does not lend itself to posting within the narrow confines of this column. The following information appears in two boxes. That's one box for the old eligibility requirements and another for the new eligibility requirements.)

Old Initial Eligibility requirement : 1,000 hours in a rolling 52-week period.

Old Ongoing Eligibility requirement: 750 hours in the previous payroll year. You loose benefits only if your hours fall below 750.

New Initial Eligibility requirement: 1,250 hours in a rolling 52-week period for employees hired after March 31, 2005. The old eligibility requirement will continue to apply to current employees and those hired before April 1, 2005.

New Ongoing Eligibility: 1,000 hours in the previous payroll year. You loose benefits when your hours fall below 1,000. Applies to everyone, not just new hires.

(Editor's note, part II: this is the end of the boxed information. The text of the letter continues as follows)

This benefit eligibility information updates the Flexible Benefits Program Plan Description.

If you have any questions, please contact your local Human Resources Department.

Rudd Johnson
Executive Vice President, Human Resources

Benefits Department P.O. Box 299 2500 South Pacific Highway
Medford, Oregon 97501
541 864-2362

Potty Talk

2005-02-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

Imagine people sitting around a conference table talking about --of all things -- toilet paper. At their January meeting the members of Bear Creek Corporation Safety Committee talked about just that. Apparently large amounts of it have ended up on the floor in the packinghouse upstairs restroom, making it look like the aftermath of ticker tape parade. From the sound of it, I gather it's the women's where it's all being thrown down on the tiles. Come now, ladies. Do try to tidy up. We don't want any lost time injury accidents from someone slipping on a piece of toilet tissue. It could happen, and people would talk. If it happened to you, imagine having to fill that out of a workers compensation claim form. "I slipped on a piece of toilet paper." Yeah, right. It would be a hard thing to live down, now wouldn't it?

Just as topics tend to morph into others, the Safety Committee's toilet paper discussion turned to the perennial hand washing issue. Expect the annual lecture from your supervisor. You heard it here first. Somebody must have said something along the lines of "People are still not washing their hands. They do their business and then go straight out the door and out onto the production floor." For the record, the Skat approves of the issue being taken seriously. I mean, who wants eat a pear that's me been handled by someone who isn't doing the hand washing after a potty break. Yet, it doesn't sound like anything that the company has done so far has worked to reduce the number of food handlers who go directly from the pot or urinal to their stations. In all fairness, from what i've seen, most people do wash their hands. Most, but not all. Knowing just that is enough to , take the blush off the pears, don't it?

It's not that the company hasn't tried, There's signs on the inside of the door in two languages. During the Christmas rush last year line supervisors were giving employees the hand washing lecture, some with some embellishment. One female supervisor placed special emphasis on the words "and men, too." No, she wasn't trying to be funny. That one never tries to be funny, but it sort of was.

------
Late Breaking News: The New Wasserstein owned Bear Creek Corporation announced Friday that it is going to dick with employees' health insurance benefits. Big Time. Notices outlining the changes were arriving in mail boxes Friday. The upshot is that a new 1,200 hour requirement will pretty much guarantee that far fewer seasonal employees will achieve initial eligibility for health insurance. Others could loose health insurance under new rules if their hours fall below 1,000, which is likely to happen to many of us during business slowdowns or when Wasserstein liquidates Jackson & Perkins. Details later. It's the weekend.

Who were the Suits?

2005-02-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

Not even our former Japanese owners from Yamanouchi wore suits when touring the plant. On wednesday several dudes exhibited the gross faux pas of walking around the plant in suits. Until now, the "casual atmosphere" of even top management has been a source of pride with the company. Oregon chic. In Barrell Five the suit dudes lingered on the catwalk, leaning over the railing while underlings debated the latest rules regulating the disposal of those purple pads that separate layers of of packed apples. Can't say for sure, but the factory floor odds makers were laying their money on the probability that the overdressed guys were Wassersteinians from New York. Checking out the plantation. Not likely to be Wasserstein functionaries from Palo Alto. Had to be New York. West Cost business people tend to have enough of the cool factor get this sort of thing right. If it was the New York boys, it was probably a surprise visit. The ususal memos had not gone out. That is, the typical marching orders to spend extra time cleaning up and doing the purely cosmetic enhancements on the factory floor, like lining up the tracks, pallets and portable machinery.

As always, Bear Skat is soliciting comments and recollections. Email these to Bearskatler@aol.com. Sources protected, confidentiality respected.

That's it for today.
Tommorrow: What the Safety Committee is saying about the toilet paper.

Correction

2005-02-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the Skat makes mistakes. We endeavor to make them right. Yesterday were flippant, and we flipantly suggested that the fellows from Wasserstein would never be seen lighting orchard smudge pots at 2 a.m. in the morning for $7.25. For all I know Steve O'Connel, the Wasserstein executive implanted into Bear Creek executive ranks as Chief Financial Officer would roll up his sleaves to do real labor. Don't know the guy, so can't say either way. It's also untrue that Steve would be paid a mere $7.25 for tramping through the orchards at 2 a.m. in sub freezing temperatures. Current employees who step forward for orchard heating detail are paid their nomal wages if those are higher than $7.25. If Steve is a six figure salary guy, you know he's going to make more than $7.25.

What Quality Control?

2005-02-15T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today's rant is over the Bear Creek Corporation website and what a piss poor job someone has been doing to update the employment information. It's pretty basic. Most companies understand that when you have a website window that says "employment opportunities" its going to list the current employment opportunities. When it doesn't you wonder about why the same standards of quality control have not been set for the webmaster. For some strange reason, the website seldom gives complete listings of available jobs.

Just for kicks go over the www.bco.com and just try to find current job listings. Nope, not much there. Pull down the window. No mention of the current openings for forklift operator, or the materials team leader, or the candy panning team leader, or the mixer, or payroll assistant, or the door inventory controller. NO orchard heating. What, you mean $7.25 hourly job doesn't count?

Tacky, tacky.

Who ever is in charge of the website fails two Bear Creek's Corporations basic principles. Numbers four and five, the fourth Basic Principle being "Take initiative to make things better", and number five being "lead by example" There's only five Basic Principles, but if the company can print up posters and put them up on walls around the plant for employees to read, why can't it follow them?

Happy Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T05:39:00.000-08:00

Hey it's Valentines Day! I just wish that had something to do with anything I'm about to say here. Our product developers are not so clever as to design a "Tower of Treats" or "snack pack" that includes edible underwear. I don't know why not, underwear is a big deal on this holiday, You walk into any department store and you see isle displays of red and white boxer shorts or briefs, and all that Skimpy pink and red peekaboo "sleep wear".

Here's what I think: The chocolate tower of treats with its box of truffles and chocolate cherries could be tied off with a Valentine's motif thong.

First "real" item today: veteran Bear Creek laborers are being called back to the lines.Food procesing is looking for team leaders and machine operators. Lets see if the ramp up is the usual preparations for filling the cold storage areas with Easter stuff, or if there will also be more corporate pack on demand product.

Lets begin the week in the spirit of love and positive business reporting. Consider that fair warning that the rest of this post will be heavy on the numbers. Sorry, gotta do it. Got to build some credibility here. Feel free to skip the rest of today's posting and log back next time if business reporting bores you. The Skat promises more rants and funny stuff later.

Some of the company numbers don't look half bad. That's what I want to get to today.

First a little background: in terms of overall sales, the last fiscal year closed with $596.7 million, amid the buzz that Yamanouchi had put us all on the auction block. While $596.7 may sound like a lot of money, that figure is actually 3 percent down from the previous year in terms of gross sales. Still, the company did claim a substantial hike in profit margins, which in the short run is where it matters. The Skat will endeavor to find out how the company pulled off that bit of magic If true, there was also a dramatic scaling back of costs somewhere. This is a positive thing from a corporate point of view.

Now, we're still talking about last year's number's here. These would be the Numbers Wasserstein would be looking at when they purchases the company, there's probably something to the claims of that profit boost. That is, considering that Wasserstein's $260 million purchase was on the high side of what venture capitalists like to pay for a company with our kind of earnings. They saw something they liked, not the least could be the cheap seasonal labor force. Imagine any one of those venture capitalist boys from New York lighting smudge pots at 2 a.m. for $7.25 an hour.

To the present: We're still in the middle of the fiscal year, so the most relevant numbers at the moment are the holiday sales, which is the bulk of our sales, anywhoo. At the moment there's no solid number reporting publicly available, although I suspect it's there for the asking should some enterprising reporter from the mainstream press decide to make the effort, instead of writing fluff about the Harry and David factory tours. This is what it looks like: This year's holiday sales are up about ten percent. Naturally, when we say "about" were talking about a number either in the high single digits, like maybe "nine", or obviously in the low double digits. Everybody hedges until every thing is counted up as many times as it takes to before the numbers come out the same twice in a row.

To put this all in perspective, a ten percent growth in holiday season sales is not bad with the way the economy has been. This past year was not a particularly great year for mail order retailers, most of them witnessing some erosion of their market share by the heavy discounting by traditional bricks and mortar retailers, according to the buzz in the trade journals. For example, hoidy-toidy gadget seller Sharper Image saw its holiday season sales fall 3 percent.

Some of Bear Creek's success has been attributed to hoidy-toidy holiday shopping procrastinators and how well we accommodated them by promising to deliver Christmas gifts ordered as late as December 23.

Seeing that the success has so frequently been touted as a "team effort", lets hope that the Wasserstein fellows will see fit to be somewhat more generous with us laborers.

Time to party

2005-02-12T06:47:00.001-08:00

Well, it is the weekend, and the Skat is taking it off. Just a reminder, the Skat is looking for brief stories and recollections about life at Bear Creek Corporation. Amusing. Off beat. Avant Garde. Hip. Unhip. Even the ordinary is cool. We'll find a use for it. An example of one of the stories was the Call Center worker's recollection of the customer who wanted to know if Harry and David are gay. We seek also business and financial news related to the company, Anything about the union too. Write them out, and then email them to bearskatler@aol.com

As always, sources protected. Anonymity respected.

So much complaining sucks, don't it?

2005-02-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

The Skat will endeavor to be fair and blanced, what ever that means in an age when something called "Fox News" can claim "fair and balance" without a laugh track. So, today we are taking a break from the negativity and funny business of the last few postings, although still talking about Bear Creek Corporation. There is some positive news to report about the company. Business news. I'm doing financial reporting today.

Lets start with the Jackson & Perkins division, which we ripped yesterday for the apparantly cheapass call routing system and lamebrain outbound call sales script. Although, we did commend their efforts to build relationships among the customers.We didn't get into much why building those customer relationships is so important and just how good we are at it. It turns out that the numbers show some pretty good success at cultivatating what the industry calls "active customers. " One of the measurements of a mail order firm's marketing success is the number of active customers in a company's files. That number for J&P is 310,000.

That number places Jackson & Perkins in fourth place among the top five American mail order garden retailers. The other industry leaders ahead of J&P are Plow and Hearth, Gardener's Supply and House of Wesely. Next in line behind J&P is Spring Hill. All this is according to a leading catalog retailing trade journal, whose name escapes me at the moment. Now here's the kicker: the average order among the top five gardening retailers is $57. Jackson & Perkins leads in this area with the average order being $80, which makes that fourth place position look even sweeter.

To recap from yesterday: When Lisa at the call center was giving her phone pitch to me the other day, this is what she was trying do: turn me into an "active customer". It just so happened that it didn't work too well for me, but then that's just me. I'm the anomaly. I'm used to that. The round peg. Otherwise, it looks like effort has been paying off, working well with normal folks. Number four in active customers. Numero Ono in dollars per sale. Pretty good.

Skat will be taking the the weekend off. Net time, we'll talk about the Christmas holiday sales numbers for Harry and David. They're not bad, actually. Rather good, considering.

Kudos to Call Center

2005-02-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

Skat wishes to commend the enterprising Call Center workers who are now making "outbound" calls for Jackson & Perkins. The ultimate question is, will it be enough to save the Jackson and Perkins division with all the "high cost" union labor in California. It's not like Wasserstein Investments can just tell the union represented workers down there that they aren't going to get the raise that had been promised to them. The ghost of Cesar Chavez would rise up shouting Huelga! Huelga! Not as easy as stiffing the non-union Bear Creek employees in Medford.

Or for that matter, it's not likely J&P buyers can do much about their relatively high wholesale costs of the nursery stock. Sure, we grow our own roses, but what about all those orchids and azaleas? That is, unless they pick them up at Walmart and Costco themselves like anyone else can do.

Anyway, it can't be an easy job, being an "outbound" call center worker. Even if you do work in a new $12 million building, Well, fairly new. A 2003 model that was part of the former "$50 million Five Year Expansion Program".

I got one of their calls the other day. I'm usually rude to telemarketers, but I knew this was a fellow worker trying to make a buck. I was kind of torn by this because by being polite and listening, I was also wasting her time.

The phone rings. I pick it up. I have this odd way of answering a phone in business voice. Not just "hello", but I say my name, followed by "speaking".

There's a pause, and the next thing I hear something like, "This is Lisa and I'm calling for ...." and then she says my name. I have to tell her again who I am.

Now the issue here is: what kind of cheapass call routing system do they have at this 600 seat "state of the art" Call Center? Poor Lisa has to look like a fool because the call isn't routed to her in time for her to hear me answer with my name. Tacky. Tacky. Tacky.

Lisa (not her real name) begins reading the sales script. Voice quality good. Enunciation good. Still, there's this really weird and unnatural phrasing, like she's reading from a teleprompter with the lines scrolling way too slowly.
One
By
One.

Actually, more like this:

"I'm calling today to let you know about special savings...."

And then a pause ... about four beats ...

And then: "... that are not currently offered in our catalogue...."

Another four beats ..."

And then another line of the script ... followed by another four beat pause.

Unless Lisa is compulsively sipping off her 20 ounce Diet Pepsi every few words, those odd pauses had to be something technical. What ever it is, it doesn't sound like it justifies giving the call center system "world class" or "state of the art" bragging rights. Still, at this point in Lisa's schpeel I'm rather impressed because it sounds like the pitch is computer generated and voice is so naturally digitized. Wow! So, I just keep on listening musing over the capabilities of the technology, recalling how back in October I got a calls from Laura Bush like that. Hey, talk about results. So, I keep listening, marveling at the techonology, until the punch line comes with the question "Are you interested in some roses or additional color for your garden?" Then it clicks inside my head: Whoops, this really is a real person.

From this point on, Lisa is doing a bang up job with no way of knowing what a pisspoor prospect I am. She's on her own. Without the script. I tell her I don't do roses. I think she then mentions callalilies and some other things.
Nah, don't think so, I say.
She asks me what I do like. (Remember, I don't want to be rude to a fellow worker) I tell her azaleas.

She does check the to see if there's some available, and says, they don't have any of these at the moment. I kind of knew that. Walmart has bought up all the cheap ones in all the nurseries within the known universe. It's not the kind of thing the company can discount.

Because I'm wavering and it sounds like i might buy something, she again mentions some of the stuff we are selling. Like callalilies. I tell her, Nah, I really like to see what I'm buying.

Now here's what I was impressed with. She asks me if I have go on the internet. She says I can look at the stuff on-line and call her back, that she has customers that she does this with all the time.

Now, that's way cool from a marketing standpoint. Building a relationship with the customer, That is, except from me. It's a waste of time. I already have an occassional relationship with a woman with tight jeans at the local garden center.

In the end, I tell Lisa that I don't ever buy stuff from people who call me on the phone, and she cheerfully puts me on the "no-call" list. Again, cool. I wish that I could have said the same thing to Laura Bush and have that be the last I'd have hear from her or her family.

Now, back to the big picture: Does anyone think this enterprising effort at the call center will result in a change of heart at Wasserstein Investments? Anyone think Wasserstein won't still dump Jackson and Perkins for its lackluster profitability, maybe this year or the next? What I'm talking about is the likely spin off the J&P division. The open secret that everyone acknowledges. My guess is that the deal Wasserstein really wanted last year was a Bear Creek Corporation with neither J&P nor Shakelee as "standard equipment", just a stripped down model with Harry and David under the hood on economy grade fuel. Now, Yamanouchi was a "motivated seller," eager to unload before the dollar fell even furthe --which it did-- so our Japanese former owners split the difference and made Wasserstein take J&P. They cut the deal for the $260 million and called for a bottle of saki to do the toast.

Are Harry and David Gay?

2005-02-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

The answer is no, not that there's anything wrong with it. Need to set that straight from the beginning. Although, I do wonder if this was at issue with the changing of the company's trade mark a few years ago. Anyone remember the old Harry and David trademark? One can't help but wonder why it's not around any more. I mean, like no where. Vanished. The labeling is all so generic now. These days it's just the words "Harry and David" in a fuax handwriting syle of font on the packaging, It used to be this drawing of Harry and David, the two men who founded the company, standing close and cozy side by side with silly grins on their faces. One with a litle mustache. The other with glasses. Both wearing plaid shirts, just like the gay couple in the old TV series "Northern Exposure."

What ever the reason, the company has scrubbed that image from all its packaging, a move as drastic as if Betty Crocker were sacked, or if Uncle Ben was retired from the rice boxes. They even painted a quaint orchard scene on the side of the packinghouse, where likenesses of Harry and David once smiled upon passing motorists on Medford's S. Pacific Hwy. Funny, I can't find any of the Harry and David images anywhere on the internet. When you think of it it, its rather sad that images of our company founders have been so thorougly irradicated. I don't think think there has been anything like that since the 1968 Soviet takeover of Czechlosovakia and the irradication of all imagery of Czech president Alexander Dubcek.

As for the "gay" part, this comes from a Skat source who worked in the Medford call center a few years back when there was still some of the old Harry and David line art on some of the packaging. A call comes in. The caller goes,
"I have a question."
"Yes, sir, how can I help you?" says the call center worker.
"I want to know if Harry and David are homosexuals. If they are, I don't want to buy nothing."
"I assure you sir, they are not.
"How do you know that?"
"Well, for one thing, they are dead, not that there's anything wrong with that."

So who knows, maybe the corporate marketeers thought Harry and David looked a little "funny" on the packaging. Urban legends have a way of growing up out of these things, like those about Jim Nabors and Rock Hudson, Mel Gibson and the gerbels. Wait, it wasn't Mel Gibson. Richard Geer, wasn't it? Either way it wasn't true.

We know corporate types do take this stuff seriously. A nearly 100-year-old logo of the Proctor and Gamble Corporation was scraped only a few years ago. This was out of fear of a boycott from religious fundamentalists, among whom the word had spread that the old P&G logo of the moon and stars contained Satanic symbolism. The soap maker faught it for while, then caved.

One can only imagine the spin that would put on the old story about what Harry did in his spare time when he went all the way from Oregon to New York sell pears at the height of the Great Depression. I mean, think what they might say about how he got all those rich dudes to order so many "Royal Riviera" pears at exhorbinate prices. That is, when every other jobless guy was selling fruit on street corners, David snags orders of boxcars full of the stuff. Some would say there was something "funny" about that. Naturally, there would be no more truth to that than the suff about the Gerbels, Jim Nabors, and the P&G logo.

So, once and for all, I don't ever want to hear that comment about somebody's good luck, success or promotion with the remark, "It's not what you know, but who you blow."

That time again: Call Backs

2005-02-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

Ready to Rock n Roll? Uncles Harry and David need you. Some of you. It looks like they're starting to ramp up production some in Medford, although it seems a little late for the Valentine's Day rush. Expect to be called if you have the distinction of being a multi-year Bear Creek Employee. Maybe they're calling people back to the candy room because they ran out of truffles and need more for the last minute Valentine orders. The first calls were for candy room workers. So, this is no time to rest on your laurels, or any other small token of appreciation. Speaking of which, no line worker will ever get one of those fancy smancy awards. You know the one. The dinner for two, the engraved and plated desk clock that's made in China. I mean, what good is that if you don't have a desk in the trailer?

Remember, if you go to work for candy, everyone has to wear a hair net and white smurf suit. Maybe not the hair net if you're bald. Not exactly sure about the policy on that one. This I know, if you're a guy with a beard, you got to wear a net over your face as well. A "beard net". Not sure about that if you're that chick with the little whispy goatee, not that there's anything wrong with it. Bodacious, in fact. Bodaciousness always rocks.

Specialty Pack has placed an order to Human Resources for more people as well, but Human Resources had not quite got around to making the calls as of this morning. Priorities. Make the truffles and chocolate covered cherries, then call the people in to tie the ribbon around the boxes. By the way, does anyone recall when they started calling it "Human Resources"? What was wrong with "Personnel"?

A reminder to workers handling last minute Valentine's Day orders: take care to affix the right mailing label to right gift, especially if more than one gift has been ordered by a single customer. Pretty much a no brainer. The label addressed to "My Darling Wife" has to be on the gift the customer selected for the wife. The one that says, "My Dear Husband," goes to the gift that goes to the husband. The customer's other orders go to the boy friend, girl friend, lover, fuck buddy, whatever. This is important. A marital land mine here if there ever was one. It's a matter of family values. Harry and David are family values oriented in every way but the pay.

I promised to tell a story today, didn't I? Sorry. It got pre-empted by the news of the call back. News comes first, not that there's really much difference. Sigmund Freud said "The truth is just a fiction with the longest pedigree."

Still to come, some stuff the Skat has learned from the financial reports about the Yamanouchi's dumping us to Wasserstein Investments. Also, what it all means. Okay, some of it. The big picture. The little picture. In between. The Skat will eventually get around to talking about the buzz about the union, and what that could mean for the lowly and under represented Medford worker.

In the beginning ...

2005-02-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

Please stay tuned. Although still under construction, this is the place for news, views, reviews on the workaday world on the Bear Creek Corporation production floor and beyond, but mostly from the perspective of the hired help on the Medford campus. That is, those of us who labor by the sweat of our brows for something less than a living wage.

The Skat will include everything from "restaurant reviews" of the cuisine of the famed Skywalk Cafe, and musings on the peculiarities of last year's sale to Wasserstein Investments. Unvarnished. Free of corporate spin. The cliques. The hijinks.

Meanwhile, consider submitting an amusing or otherwise interesting story about life at Bear Creek. No need to worry about grammar and spelling. Mine ain't perfect, but it's good enough to fix what needs fixing, if yours needs fixing. Confidentiality respected, of course.

The best way to submit your writings is e-mail the stuff to Bearskatler@aol.com. Just write it out a couple paragraphs, or three in the text of the email. I won't be opening any attachments. Subject line should read "Bear Creek Skat," just so I know its not get rich quick spam, or an advertisement for an erectial dysfunction remedy, neither of which am I in the market for at the moment.

And, oh, just in case you're wondering, the term "scat" refers to a kind of vocal jazz riff. Random, but also rhythmatic, Okay, I know, "scat" means something else too. So, another way of looking at it: it's better to talk about it, than have to scrape if off your shoe.

Tomorrow we start with the first story.